Divorce – Scorched Earth
Posted May 8th, 2012
I’m baffled at times as to the lengths people will go to during a divorce. Many of us have been through this situation. And we seem to become somehow, less than human. Money seems to be such an issue. Fairs fair seems to hold little sway in the proceedings.
Let’s suppose, for a moment, that money didn’t exist. I know that sounds crazy but bear with me. Let’s assume everybody’s needs were met from the harnessing of the planets natural resources and bla bla bla. Or that we all had our own little patch of land with sheep to tend to. OK. So that aside, what would the implications be upon divorce? Well straight away it would negate any spiteful planning of divorce purely for financial gain. Divorcing purely to gain financially is just wrong. Well, I suppose if both parties agree, and are set to gain financially that may be different.
I don’t know. The ethics of all this are just mind boggling. It’s the extremes people, men and women alike go to, just to score points. In the upper echelons of the planets big earners it seems nothing is off limits in an acrimonious divorce.
The recent final settlement between Susan Decker, a former Yahoo executive and Michael Dovey, an investment banker, see’s their estate all sliced up and portioned out. Yup ok. That has to happen. But then where do the accusations of infidelity, drug abuse, electronic bugging and fiduciary misconduct fit in to all this? What did it achieve and what was the goal in mind? It served no other purpose than point scoring and character assassination. Along with the trauma children face when caught in the middle of a divorce, I do feel that all the animosity adds unnecessarily to the casualty list. Your ex partner may have been all the names under the sun you can think of, and more besides. Where ultimately will it get you to blacken his or her name?
You know the truth. A swine he may or may not be but ultimately, picking away at those wounds by dwelling on the reasons you aren’t together anymore will serve no short term gain nor long term purpose. Instead it is better to relieve yourself of that burden of bitterness and focus on what is right for you. Fix your gaze on what you can achieve by firmly seeking what you are entitled to and what you need to do to get through this and build for your future.
Scorching the earth is a military term. It refers to the destruction of parts of a countries infrastructure by decimating the ground to such an extent that crops can no longer take root and grow. Do you really want to do this to the pastures of your life? All guns blazing type divorces can lead to emotional and financial ruin as the anger and bitterness takes hold, and the solicitors fees rack up.
Surely it would be better to protect the land of your past so that it will be fertile to replant on in the future. Why not work with the Divorce IFA. I’m the Alan Titchmarsh of your post-divorce finances!
Image credit – Flickr/steve p2008
Anonymous
04.07.12
Yes – I definitely know of some men that could benefit from taking this advice! It is such a shame when children are caught in the crossfires of soon-to-be ex husbands that can’t put their financial, emotional and practical responsibilities towards their children before their petty spite and own inadequacies. Sound advice that EVERY divorcing father should take note of.
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