Posted April 19th, 2012
Few women can forget the moment they were asked THE question. It just came out of nowhere and perhaps wasn’t really what you were expecting. You’ll remember what you were wearing, what he was wearing, the music, the food (if he was nice enough to take you to a restaurant to ask). It’s just one of those moments that stay with you forever. He looks into your eyes and with heartfelt emotion proclaims “I want a divorce!” and the rug is pulled swiftly out from under your feet.
Or it may be that you want a divorce and of course, often it is a mutual decision. The question becomes how to do it?
The fact is, it doesn’t have to get nasty. It doesn’t have to be a mess. The courts don’t want that, your children (if you have any) don’t need that and frankly, neither do you. Wouldn’t it be nice to imagine that at the other end of the divorce road (a detour that many of us never expected) that something of a relationship can be salvaged?
Of course that would be great. There is rightly a growing trend of couples staying civil and even cultivating friendships with their ex partners post divorce, but that does not mean you should go quietly in to the night. Whether a divorce was yours or your (ex) partners idea, you still have the option of doing what is right for you and the rest of your life. Of course, remaining in contact and being civil for your children is a must.
But the days of the ex-wife being left with nothing and having to bitterly fight for every penny is long gone. After all, it was your marriage too. You spent time working, putting in to the house, raising children. You are entitled to a future as well.
If you spent years raising children at the expense of a career then you are quite right to expect that to be recognised. I’d go as far to say, in most cases, revered. Raising children, although immensely rewarding, can and often does go unappreciated. The skills required to rear young ones fit for the wider world, whilst maintaining a home at the same time are often understated and overlooked. Bottom line is, it’s not an easy job. In fact, it’s very difficult and very demanding.
You spent years doing just that, and are entitled to enjoy your reacquired independence now that the youngsters have flown the nest. A divorce need not put an end to the enjoyment, peace and security that life may have once offered you.
There are options to consider as far as pensions and assets are concerned. It was your marriage as well. You invested yourself and your life in to it. Therefore it is quite legitimate for you to expect to be compensated. Of course when you got married these are the sort of dilemmas you may not have imagined you’d face. When most couples marry nobody really likes to think of it in terms of a financial arrangement. It’s love, trust, respect. But if you are at a crossroads in your life when these things have fallen by the way side, and you’re asking yourself what you have to show for the last few decades, then it is a good time to find yourself a reputable Independent Financial Adviser (IFA) with a good knowledge of divorce and your entitlement to assist your legal counsel.
Why not call me in confidence for a chat?
Image credit – Flickr/e_calamar